So, I might have over-reacted a little yesterday, okay, a lot. After deleting his number and all that jazz we didn’t talk for one full day and that day was something I never want to relive, but during my whole pity party I never stopped to think what it would be like for him, what the reason for him to act like a jerk was, what was going on in his mind…
Today around 11: 20 am, my phone pinged and my heart rate skyrocketed, it was him. After almost 24 hours of glancing at my phone with no results, it was finally him.
YOU: What’s up
ME: Sorry I’m a bit busy, I’ve got to go… talk to you later?
Yup. That’s right. I chickened out, after waiting for so long for him to text first and after getting what I wanted, I chickened out. It felt kind of like being super enthusiastic about a rollercoaster ride, waiting 45 minutes in in the queue and then feeling the shiver of panic when you sit down on the seat. That fleeting moment of paranoia is enough for you to give it all up.
I didn’t lie to him though, I was busy, my mother and I decided to go shopping, because I have a school trip coming up in a few days. Did I mention that shopping with my mother is the ultimate torture for any teenager? Her clothes choice is, well, different, she picks up clothes 2 sizes bigger than mine (I fit into S or M but she will insist on getting an L or XL). I feel mildly offended and not-so-mildly body shamed.
This shopping experience was far from good, because of my mother’s constant nagging and borderline body shaming I had another meltdown in a store and threw a tantrum to buy a T-shirt. I didn’t even really like the T-shirt, I only wanted it because she didn’t want me to have it.
I went home and cried for almost an hour and a half. I skipped lunch and did math, it felt like the perfect Sunday (note my sarcasm). I picked up my phone around when my tears had begun slowing down when I saw his reply:
I told him everything, about my mom, about how much I wanted to run away, how much my mother and I fought and how I couldn’t wait to move away but he and the point were complete strangers, he told me not to worry about it because she would buy me more clothes eventually (…?). He was on a roll; he told me that he was tired of my complaining and sassy behaviour and when I wanted to have a real and un overdramatic conversation, I could message him.
Then he left.
That’s when I knew something was wrong.
Knowing the kind of person that he is I knew that he would tell me if I pushed hard enough. So I did. He told me that he’s cutting everyone out of his life and wants to keep human association to a bare minimum. I asked him why and whether something had happened.
He said it wasn’t recent, that it was old news, almost a year ago. That’s why he updated his Facebook status to “R.I.P”. Slowly as I joined the dots in my mind my stomach started sinking with the weight of his sorrows. While he was reeling with the agony of his dead mother I stood there complaining about mine. I can be such an insensitive person, but hey, what do I know?